Autumn hangover

Summer came to an end some weeks ago. My friends have been a big part of the highlights. They have hosted and spoiled me every time I have needed it and even sometimes when I haven't. It is a luxury to be able to count on people like Nicholas, Brendan, Paul, Michael, Robert, Stephan & Mathias, Sasha, Juri and Ray & Stuart. As soon as I had one foot beyond the threshold, I had already the first hug, the first smile and the first kiss.

Now the autumn wind pulls off the withered leaves from the trees, falling on a ground with rain puddles. Disgusting. In any way, it was about time for me to stop a bit. I also feel worn out, very tired. They were some very exciting months full of great moments. But now I am exhausted, I ran out of energy and desire. I still keep making some plans almost like by inertia: I was partying in Cologne a couple of weeks ago, I'm going to Berlin 4 days for a basketball tournament in November and I will be back in Cologne in early December to attend possibly the largest bears party in Europe. These are ideas I had in mind already some time ago. As for the rest, I refuse making more plans from now until the end of the year.

The exhaustion is not only physical, also mental and emotional. This year has been a bit too convulsed with emotions and I don't feel like having more surprises for a while, neither for good nor for bad. I want to stay calm, quiet, just thinking about eating, working, sleeping and going to the gym. And specially without feeling anything for anyone, because it is frustrating when things don't happen like everyone wanted. I have been the last months paying more attention to my emotions than to my thoughts and I don't regret it, but this left me this way. Now it is time for a rest.