Dog eat dog

There it is, I did it again. Some time ago I promised to myself that I would stop adapting to the world and I was going to make it adapt to me. But I let down my guard and a hollow hope invaded me, leaving me with a wishful thought of happiness that doesn't take me anywhere and puts to sleep my real desire. It happened again that I accelerate or brake whenever others need, not when I want. It happened again that my situation depends on what others want to do or undo while I am waiting for them to tell me so I can adapt. It happened again that I've been paying more attention to my thoughts rather than my feelings, but my feelings tell me now that I shouldn't keep walking this path. So I have to find another path... or make my own. I am turning into a sour person and I don't feel like. Neither those around me nor myself deserve such thing.

If 2013 was a year of internal changes, these 5 months of 2014 are not exactly seeing things settling down, definitely not internally but not even externally any more. The moment arrives again when I have to play my cards. If I think I've never made a wrong decision so far, I don't see the need to start being afraid of anything at this point. It's not just about luck: this is a hand of cards and not the roulette. You have to see what you've got, be cautious, patient, clever, keep your head cool and do things at the right time. The game won't be easy but I think I've got a good hand and some money to gamble. I don't think the game will be short either... but I still have some time.

My life as an adult started somewhere between October 22nd and 24th 2001. I was 20 years old back then. After that moment, I realised that every decision to be made was going to be relevant perhaps for the rest of my life.