Four years later

The Gay Games 2014 are already running in Cleveland since yesterday. Four years ago they took place in Cologne, but I was just arrived in Germany and didn't have the chance to participate. I could still manage to book a train ticket, a bed in a hostel and attend the opening ceremony. Even though it was far from being a success (lots of criticism to the organisation and low attendance) it was important for me to be there and witness such an event. I promised to myself that I would join the next time, Cleveland 2014. However, the shoulder injury that is still keeping me away from the gym and the basketball courts since July 2013, and the unstable job situation have prevented me from attending the Games in Cleveland, something that would have taken a considerable amount of time and money.

I remember that, during the opening ceremony, while everyone was happy, celebrating, cheering, in good mood... they suddenly presented someone who was booed. I had no idea who he was, I just got that he was a politician, a gay politician. But obviously people were not happy with him... I learnt later that his name is Guido Westerwelle, minister of foreign affairs at that time and born not far from Cologne (and yes, I learnt also other funny stories about him which made me understand why he was not very popular). The booing surprised me, but I had no opinion about him, of course. So I just listened to the speech, short but categorical. I liked it and it was strange to see that everyone was in the end cheering and clapping, despite the not-very-warm welcoming. That change surprised me even more but I realised it represented the power of his words and how people felt somehow identified with the speech. I think everyone (especially those like me who didn't know him) understood that, maybe for once and according to the circumstances there, he didn't speak as the politician he was but as a gay man who had the chance to express himself in front of a microphone. I think everyone understood (inlcuding him) that he was not representing anyone there, but himself and, at the same time, all of us. You can listen to the speech, the initial booing and the cheering on this video. It takes less than 9 minutes.

That speech is still in my head and I watch it from time to time. I was just arrived in Germany and just coming out as a gay man to the people around me (colleagues at that time). I said back in 2008 that I chose to be bisexual but actually I didn't. What I did was accepting me as gay, getting used to it, freeing from myself and my own prejudices, since I've been blessed with friends and family who would not care less about these topics. I found myself thinking that I chose to be bisexual but realising that I was actually homosexual, which is of course something not chosen (can you choose who to fall in love with?). I didn't decide to be bisexual, I didn't realise I was homosexual, I just decided to experience it.

There is film, a romantic comedy titled The Broken Hearts Club, about a group of gay friends which I must admit I haven't seen myself. Some years ago, chatting with a friend, he showed me a fragment on Youtube (I couldn't find it this time, sorry!). It was just the beginning of the film and it said something I really liked and have kept since: "A lot of people ask me when I first knew I was gay. The fact is that I don't know; I can't remember. But what I do remember, what I can recall, is the moment I first realised I was ok with myself. It was when I met these guys: my friends". I think the moment I first realised I was ok with myself was that trip to Cologne, that opening ceremony, those Gay Games. I wish I could be in Cleveland now. I will hopefully be part of Paris 2018.