Raf. Rat.

Yesterday, March 12th 2009, it was my second anniversary in the company. Yesterday, I volunteered for redundancy. It's not the same as quitting and I think it is the most convenient thing to do. I see myself with possibilities to be redundant anyway (33% in theory, more in reality I think) and by volunteering at least I get some more money. It won't save me from finding another job asap but at least I'll be able to breath some more days. They might not accept it although I can't see why they wouldn't. I have the feeling that if they do it, it is only because making someone else redundant is just cheaper and that doesn't make me feel valuable. On the contrary: we want you to stay because you worth little and you're cheap. I don't know if I'd accept that. Besides, it doesn't guarantee me that I won't be redundant in two months and then I wouldn't get the dough but an idiot's face.

The good thing about this is that at least I take the control again. Although I don't know what I want it for because I was very happy so far letting others guide me. But thinking that my near future depended on others' decision made me feel uncomfortable. So I prefer to grab the bull by the horns and be me who decides how and when I leave without waiting for others to open their mouths. At least I'm on the steering wheel now. I don't know where I'm going but I'm on the steering wheel. This is exciting on the one hand. Scary on the other.

The options are plenty but very little realistic and elaborated. I don't like to make decisions without thinking them thoroughly before. I forget about searching a job related to buildings, that's for sure. I think that Oxford is a very expensive town to look for another normal job as a waiter or washing floors. I'm at ease here now either in the house, the area where I live, my friends... But it is too expensive and I think that I shouldn't keep living here only to serve coffees. If I leave Oxford, I can go somewhere else cheaper to serve coffees or maybe search for something that I like more but I need time for that and I don't have it. Besides, what should I do first? Look for a good place and then any job there or look for a good job no matter where the place? I tell you, this needs time. I don't rule out the idea of searching for a voluntary job: services or manpower in exchange for food and accommodation. That would be easier in second and third world countries but I see it difficult here and my priority is to stay in the UK. The masters I'd like to study is very far too. First because as it is logical many people will have applied for it so the places are probably full (people applies usually before January). Second because I want to do it but not yet. I'd like to wait for another year so do it because "I have nothing better to do" it's not the best of the motivations I think... And of course I would not yet like to go back to Spain. I am hungry and I want more world. There is an opinion poll in the column on the right. Let's see what people think (vote!).

They say that the rats are the first ones to jump out of the ship when this is sinking. Mind you, I already jumped.