Empty battery

Nine months since I arrived to Oxford. In nine months a whole course can be completed in one's career, the best team can become the champion, one country can devastate another, one can go and return from Mars or a kid can serve a sentence for hashish traffic. Nine months is time enough for things as spectacular as creating and giving birth to a new life. You can also find out that you have a cancer and die without choice within that time. Or a life may have not changes at all in nine months.

Mine has changed. My life changes because I change and my ideas change, all together. On March 3rd I had very fixed ideas. A few months later I still had fixed ideas, but very different to the ones before. It's happening the same to me now and it'll happen again soon, I'm sure. But there are also ideas that change even when I don't want to. Well, more than ideas, I think they're feelings. Or thoughts, that I actually don't know if they're same as ideas or there's some difference. Do you know it visitor? Anyway, despite all the wonderful things are happening to me during this time, something unexpected is also happening.

I recently have told to other person that I've always been a lonely person, always on my own. I enjoy being with others but I also enjoy the loneliness. That loneliness under my control, being alone when I want to be, when I don't feel like being with anybody else. I definitely like to be alone. But I don't like to feel that I'm alone. I don't know again if there is some difference, like I told you before about ideas and thoughts. Will be "being alone" an idea and "feeling alone" a though? Do you know it visitor?

Maybe is due of the boredom or due to those things I couldn't sort out as I expected. Perhaps the life is no challenging any more and there's nothing new within sight. Maybe is the autumn and the dark windy days and heavy rains. Or probably, as use to happen every time you don't know the reason, the reason is a bit of all of them. The point is that it's done, I did it: I bought the tickets to go back to my Ithaca for two weeks.

From December 20th 2007 to January 4th 2008 I'll be at home, I'll sleep in my bed, I'll wear my slippers, I'll drink from my mug, I'll use my cutlery, I'll sit on my sofa and I'll use my bathrobe. I'll enjoy my family, I'll embrace and kiss my friends, I'll meet my acquaintances, I'll wave to my neighbours. I'll walk around my city, I'll have some drink at the bars, I'll watch my basketball team. And, as that person who I was telling this said, it'll be good to charge my batteries. They still have to work for long.