Good news and boring news

Two weekends ago I had a good one, a great one in fact, for many reasons. The  basketball gay-inclusive tournament organised in Berlin by Vorspiel Club took place, I could be part of it and my shoulder feels ok after doing it! I was a bit hesitant to participate because the joint is not yet completely recovered and because I hadn't played basketball for 18 months. Still, I was feeling ok and I decided to try. Now I don't regret it at all! I was part of a team built up for the occasion with three guys coming from Barcelona and three others from Bologna (one of them being Spanish too). The six of them plus me were a gang rather than a real team. We didn't know each other and therefore had never played together. We didn't even have matching clothes. The result? Well... the most important thing is to have fun, isn't it...? Ok, ok, we played 5 games and lost 4. BUT we lost three of those games by 3 or less points and the fourth one against the final champions, so we can be very happy!! Hey, hey, let me remark that we didn't even know each other the day before. Besides, short after we started the first game, we lost one player to a bad knee injury so we were only 6 for the rest of the tournament. In any case, I had a lot of fun on the court and in the bars with the gang. Great people!! And the shoulder proves to keep getting better. I really have good sensations; I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope to be fully recovered soon.

Unfortunately, the basketball tournament has been the only highlight practically since I am in Berlin. My life here is quiet at the moment and leaving Frankfurt hasn't helped me to tidy up my own mind and make room for new ideas and projects. I don't do anything special, just going from home to the gym, the supermarket, sometimes the bars (happy hour on weekdays!) and the school. All these things are within a 1 mile radius. The only time I leave this circle is when I go to the unemployment office or when I rarely meet some friends in other districts. Just exceptionally, I went to a party with friends last night. I live in the big city but right now I lead quite a town-like life, almost like a village if it wasn't for the traffic. Not much culture, no museums, no concerts, no visits, no walks... I also keep busy doing some online courses about IT stuff, which I enjoy. The weather doesn't help much, that's also true: it is just starting to get cold slow by slow and the day gets dark very early (I've never lived so far north-east in this time zone).

Some friends and acquaintances ask me if I am ok, because they think this lifestyle is not normal in me. I partly understand them. It was not normal in the last 4.5 years when I was always on the road, making plans, going to every party, event, taking trains, planes, etc. However, I have not always been like that. Now it's not the right time for it. I will certainly go out more often, have more fun, see more things, visit museums and such once I sort out other things first. Life in Frankfurt was very carefree and I just had to worry about an easy job and how to enjoy my money. Nice, uh? But now I have other concerns in my head and, yes, I can also be the thoughtful and reflective type. Those who knew me before March 2010 know this aspect well. Now I see that people often don't actually trust me. They don't think I can get serious, stay at home and think my life along different lines. I've heard things like "oh, in Berlin you'll never manage to learn your German" or "they will teach you everything but the language there" and I feel disappointed, almost hurt. Ok, I've got a "reputation" thanks to posts like this and this... I realise that's the picture of myself that I project in most people these days. But that's a side of me which doesn't reflect what I am completely.

Things were starting slow but I feel fairly stuck right now. Or maybe this is the right pace but I just expected things to happen faster. I feel comfortable with the German lessons (I like my classmates and the teacher) but sometimes not as motivated as at the beginning. I wanted to have 12 months of enjoyment and two are gone already... Not much joy inside though. I feel I am mostly not good company these days, neither for myself nor for others. I am not focused, I don't know why. I miss my friends and specially the laughter I had with them. I also feel I am walking at the moment with no direction and I need to set some goals, for short, mid and long term to help me keep focused and to, hopefully, feel I am making some achievements, not just wasting here precious time, opportunities and money.