I don't even know how to call this entry... Cycles?
I have already spent here nearly one year and a half. In theory September 2008 was my deadline to go back to Spain but this looks like I'm going to stay longer. Why? Because... and why not? I still have a lot of life to spend. One year and a half ago I hadn't believed the entry I'm about to write. I don't know where my life will go, but I don't regret absolutely nothing I do. Well, let's go for it.
Up to few months ago, every time I went to a party or went out or did any unusual activity, I came and told it on the blog. In the recent times, you see that this doesn't make much sense because, as I told you on the last entry, it is not "unusual" anymore. And considering the few news I had to tell on the last entry, this one comes full of goodbyes, morbid news, misfortunes, changes... Not in that order, we're going to start by the misfortunes.
They are not big misfortunes, is only that I've been four days with fever, three in bed. I spent last Sunday at home working with the laptop: internet, Linux and write some entries for the Ubunblox. I had a headache at night, something not strange of course, what is a misfortune because I don't use it much but if on top of that it pains... Anyway, I slept very bad and I went to the office on Monday with paracetamol in my pockets. I have to finish urgently a report and I didn't want to make the managers wait longer so I spent the day there although I saw that the thing wasn't going well. I even cancelled the two Spanish lessons I had and also my training in the company to learn Linux (I don't know if I have told you about that, I'll have a look at the blog and I'll tell you if I haven't done it). The fever was high in the evening, I had a strong headache and all the joints of my body pained. I didn't go to the office on Tuesday because I was quiet ill and I haven't been better on Wednesday. Today Thursday I've been to the doctor although I feel better and I'm going to the office tomorrow.
Thank goodness, because I'm terribly bored. I can not do anything because everything causes me headache and my eyes "burn": reading, watching tv, watching the laptop's screen, listening to music... I've spent some days dead on the bed with nothing to do. Only the paracetamol kept the fever under reasonable levels. Fortunately last Tuesday my friend Nico came to visit me and yesterday Eva brought me some milk, yoghurt, fruit, juice and muffins. What would I do without them?!
On the other hand, I always say that the thing I like the most about Oxford is that nobody is from here and it is a perfect city to meet very different people from all over the world. But I'm starting to see a very negative side: we are all here just passing through and sooner or later everybody goes forward by his path and I find myself alone again. So I'm also having some goodbyes, since some time ago actually, but I've reached up to a point where they are finishing. Obviously because everybody is leaving and I'm running out of friends to say goodbye. In the last three months have left definitely Oxford: Marta, Lars, Juliette, Luca, George, Renata... Catherine left today, Anna will leave next week, Eva the following one and Angela soon. Ten people I usually went out with to have fun and do activities, speak about personal and impersonal things. Ten people I enjoyed spending my free time with. Ten friends. So the perspective for the next months looks boring. I know I can always meet more friends, can't I? And I will. But after this disappointment, I'm not very keen to pass through the same and get again this silly face I have now.
In any case, one of the comments I have liked the most in the history of this blog said: "You feel nostalgic when you leave something behind but not when you take a different path because sooner or later the paths will join again" (written in Spanish on the entry of April 28th 2007, signed by Polish man -check the Archives to the right). Thinking in that way is helping me a lot, honestly (thanks "Polish man").
Now the morbid news. I don't know if it is the fever, the paracetamol mixed with ibuprofen or the boredom that pushes me to say it but I think I feel like telling that I'm bisexual. So I just break the new here. It is something that started going round and round my head few months ago. How did I get to this conclusion? Well, I've explained you that there is every kind of people in Oxford... This has its advantages and drawbacks. For example I have now double chances to make advances when I go out:
-Hey honey, do you fell like... mmm, you know.
-No, today is not your lucky day.
-Hey, and your female friend?
-No, she doesn't want either.
-Oh, and your male friend?
-Wha...?? :-O
Hahaha, no, I have never done that and I'm not going to do it now, but I have fun thinking about a situation like that.
There is also the thing of how people and friends will react. Specially my friends. You know, if they will start to behave in a different way or even to avoid me or not. Well, the truth is that at my young age I have already learned to worry very little about what people think about me. If that was my biggest concern I wouldn't go out to the street, and I wouldn't be telling these things here, of course. Whoever may want to ignore me, he can do it and don't let me waste my time. As it is always said in these situations: those who really loved me before, will love me the same now. If this is not a problem for me, I won't let others make a problem of it with me. Anything to say? You know: click on the comments.
By the way, is this to come out of the closet or that is just for gays? Oh, and don't think visitor, that if I hadn't girlfriend before now I'm going to get a boyfriend, no way, hahaha. I'm very happy being single. In addition, another problem of this is that if you get a partner you have to relinquish the other sex. Well, we will see how develops and how this all ends.
And finally the changes. Well, it is only one, the change. But the point is that it is THE CHANGE, with capitals. No, I'm not going to change my sex, forget about that because I'm already talking about other topic. I'm moving house, in mid/late October if possible. I was chatting with Xavier, my landlord, and he asked me for looking something for the next months. No rush, no pressure, but I can't find much sense to keep living here like in a dead end line. I prefer to search something as soon as possible and leave. So I'm again with an eye on the market. The annoying thing is that all the students are arriving now and it is much more difficult than in June or July, but there's no choice.
On the one hand, it is a bit painful because I like a lot this house, it is well located and my bedroom is large and bright. But on the other, I think that a change is convenient either for me and Xavier, who after having me as a lodger more than one year now he feels like trying with short term lodgers, a couple of months maximum. So I press "reset" and I start from 0.
A cycle is ending and another one starts for me. My head works different and I've learnt to think more and better. What I like about this is that I keep being the same although many things have changed in this year and a half, really a lot: my English is much better, I've met new friends, I know better the city, I get drunk only with beer, I like playing football, I become bisexual, I'm teaching Spanish lessons, I've got again plans for the future, I move from this house after 15 months, I've joined the Buildings Department including a small promotion, I'm experimenting with Linux... All this can lead me just to one place: another unforgettable year and a half (at least).
Up to few months ago, every time I went to a party or went out or did any unusual activity, I came and told it on the blog. In the recent times, you see that this doesn't make much sense because, as I told you on the last entry, it is not "unusual" anymore. And considering the few news I had to tell on the last entry, this one comes full of goodbyes, morbid news, misfortunes, changes... Not in that order, we're going to start by the misfortunes.
They are not big misfortunes, is only that I've been four days with fever, three in bed. I spent last Sunday at home working with the laptop: internet, Linux and write some entries for the Ubunblox. I had a headache at night, something not strange of course, what is a misfortune because I don't use it much but if on top of that it pains... Anyway, I slept very bad and I went to the office on Monday with paracetamol in my pockets. I have to finish urgently a report and I didn't want to make the managers wait longer so I spent the day there although I saw that the thing wasn't going well. I even cancelled the two Spanish lessons I had and also my training in the company to learn Linux (I don't know if I have told you about that, I'll have a look at the blog and I'll tell you if I haven't done it). The fever was high in the evening, I had a strong headache and all the joints of my body pained. I didn't go to the office on Tuesday because I was quiet ill and I haven't been better on Wednesday. Today Thursday I've been to the doctor although I feel better and I'm going to the office tomorrow.
Thank goodness, because I'm terribly bored. I can not do anything because everything causes me headache and my eyes "burn": reading, watching tv, watching the laptop's screen, listening to music... I've spent some days dead on the bed with nothing to do. Only the paracetamol kept the fever under reasonable levels. Fortunately last Tuesday my friend Nico came to visit me and yesterday Eva brought me some milk, yoghurt, fruit, juice and muffins. What would I do without them?!
On the other hand, I always say that the thing I like the most about Oxford is that nobody is from here and it is a perfect city to meet very different people from all over the world. But I'm starting to see a very negative side: we are all here just passing through and sooner or later everybody goes forward by his path and I find myself alone again. So I'm also having some goodbyes, since some time ago actually, but I've reached up to a point where they are finishing. Obviously because everybody is leaving and I'm running out of friends to say goodbye. In the last three months have left definitely Oxford: Marta, Lars, Juliette, Luca, George, Renata... Catherine left today, Anna will leave next week, Eva the following one and Angela soon. Ten people I usually went out with to have fun and do activities, speak about personal and impersonal things. Ten people I enjoyed spending my free time with. Ten friends. So the perspective for the next months looks boring. I know I can always meet more friends, can't I? And I will. But after this disappointment, I'm not very keen to pass through the same and get again this silly face I have now.
In any case, one of the comments I have liked the most in the history of this blog said: "You feel nostalgic when you leave something behind but not when you take a different path because sooner or later the paths will join again" (written in Spanish on the entry of April 28th 2007, signed by Polish man -check the Archives to the right). Thinking in that way is helping me a lot, honestly (thanks "Polish man").
Now the morbid news. I don't know if it is the fever, the paracetamol mixed with ibuprofen or the boredom that pushes me to say it but I think I feel like telling that I'm bisexual. So I just break the new here. It is something that started going round and round my head few months ago. How did I get to this conclusion? Well, I've explained you that there is every kind of people in Oxford... This has its advantages and drawbacks. For example I have now double chances to make advances when I go out:
-Hey honey, do you fell like... mmm, you know.
-No, today is not your lucky day.
-Hey, and your female friend?
-No, she doesn't want either.
-Oh, and your male friend?
-Wha...?? :-O
Hahaha, no, I have never done that and I'm not going to do it now, but I have fun thinking about a situation like that.
There is also the thing of how people and friends will react. Specially my friends. You know, if they will start to behave in a different way or even to avoid me or not. Well, the truth is that at my young age I have already learned to worry very little about what people think about me. If that was my biggest concern I wouldn't go out to the street, and I wouldn't be telling these things here, of course. Whoever may want to ignore me, he can do it and don't let me waste my time. As it is always said in these situations: those who really loved me before, will love me the same now. If this is not a problem for me, I won't let others make a problem of it with me. Anything to say? You know: click on the comments.
By the way, is this to come out of the closet or that is just for gays? Oh, and don't think visitor, that if I hadn't girlfriend before now I'm going to get a boyfriend, no way, hahaha. I'm very happy being single. In addition, another problem of this is that if you get a partner you have to relinquish the other sex. Well, we will see how develops and how this all ends.
And finally the changes. Well, it is only one, the change. But the point is that it is THE CHANGE, with capitals. No, I'm not going to change my sex, forget about that because I'm already talking about other topic. I'm moving house, in mid/late October if possible. I was chatting with Xavier, my landlord, and he asked me for looking something for the next months. No rush, no pressure, but I can't find much sense to keep living here like in a dead end line. I prefer to search something as soon as possible and leave. So I'm again with an eye on the market. The annoying thing is that all the students are arriving now and it is much more difficult than in June or July, but there's no choice.
On the one hand, it is a bit painful because I like a lot this house, it is well located and my bedroom is large and bright. But on the other, I think that a change is convenient either for me and Xavier, who after having me as a lodger more than one year now he feels like trying with short term lodgers, a couple of months maximum. So I press "reset" and I start from 0.
A cycle is ending and another one starts for me. My head works different and I've learnt to think more and better. What I like about this is that I keep being the same although many things have changed in this year and a half, really a lot: my English is much better, I've met new friends, I know better the city, I get drunk only with beer, I like playing football, I become bisexual, I'm teaching Spanish lessons, I've got again plans for the future, I move from this house after 15 months, I've joined the Buildings Department including a small promotion, I'm experimenting with Linux... All this can lead me just to one place: another unforgettable year and a half (at least).
4 comentarios:
Parting
MY LIFE closed twice before its close;
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me
So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell.
~ Emily Dickinson
People come to fill the spaces and people go but never really leave us. It's a small price to pay for a world that's become so small you can go almost anywhere in a day and transmit your thoughts to almost anyone in a moment.
That reminds me... Can you setup an RSS feed for your blog? It would make it a lot easier for lazy people like me }:0)
I hope you are feeling better and if not get well soon!
Hey Seóirse! Thanks for your nice comment. I had never read anything from ED. I agree with you: people come and go but (fortunately) never really leave us, at least those you don't want to leave. Some other people have told me the same and I see the point of it. But I was more used to have my friends un my city where very rarely they left unlike my friends in Oxford (and myself one day).
I'll definitely set up that RSS as soon as I find how to! I'm sure it must be easy but have never had a look at it. It must be just enough ticking a box or something like that. Cheers!
Hola Rafa!
Non credo che tu abbia qualche motivo di cui preoccuparti perchè, come hai scritto tu stesso, i tuoi amici, quelli veri, non ti abbandoneranno mai. Ovunque tu sia, chiunque tu sia.
Abbiamo passato poco tempo tutti insieme a Oxford, ma è stato uno dei periodi migliori della mia vita, soprattutto grazie alle persone(AMICI) che vi ho incontrato. Tu ovviamente sei tra questi!
Ho scritto in Italiano, così non lo dimentichi ;-) .
Spero a presto,
Hasta pronto,
Luca
Ciao Luxetluc, e benvenuto al mio blog (sebbene so che vieni abitualmente)
Molte grazie per il tuo commento. Penso sia l'unico e primo in italiano. Non lo so. Magari il secondo o terzo massimo. Comunque, spero non sia l'unico :o) Ma sicuro è uno dei più belli, e guarda che ho avuto belli commenti da che il blog è cominciato. E scusa, ma io no sono fra quelli amici che hai trovato a Oxford. Io sono il capitano di loro!
Spero di si: a presto.
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