Downhill

After Amaral's drippy song and the unique entry I posted last time, I think it is time to tell something interesting. Does anybody have anything interesting to tell? Nobody? Me neither. I haven't found any job yet. I am getting bored and tired of doing everyday the same -applying for jobs and nothing. I have had some short interviews on the telephone and two face-to-face. One was unfortunately unsuccessful, the other one was for a company that looked quite dodgy and I decided not to go ahead. I googled their telephone number afterwards and found out that it was a fucking scam and many people had complained already about them. I was happy to see my instincts were right.

I have some new hopes though. I have found some websites and agencies which specialise in language jobs and I may find something where I can use my Spanish (and my poor Italian -poorer everyday). I also have started applying for jobs in other cities and towns across the UK. Yes, I came to the bright lights of Manchester because it was the place where I wanted to live, I fancied a big city, it is cheap and lively... but I am disheartened. I am starting to think that perhaps this is just not the right place nor the right time. I have to widen the range of possibilities and that includes applying for jobs in other places. I would relocate anywhere right now if they offered me a job for at least 6 months no matter the salary. I am also starting to think, or realise rather than think, that I am at least a month late. I should have left Oxford before; I spent too long in the limbo. Well, I left as soon as I made the decision and I can not change that. I have to put up with what I have today.

The bad new is that today I have more than tomorrow but less than yesterday. I am running out of money and this will be a serious problem soon if the tendency continues to drop downhill. If it doesn't improve, it gets worse. I can survive few more weeks but if I don't find any source of income soon then... then I don't know what is going to happen but I guess it is time to think about it as the moment is likely to arrive sooner than later. Any suggestion?

Some people say it is normal. We are in the worst part of the worst recession in the last 50 years, I am a foreigner, Manchester is a city with many workers and I started looking for a job only a month and a half ago. Not even in normal conditions people usually find job that easily. And I think they are right. However, on the other hand, one feels like a fool when looking for a job is the only thing he has done for 7 weeks without success. I hear very often that I am so clever, that I am good at many things that something will come up soon, that a great job might be just round the corner, that people are sure I will find something, that they wish me the best of lucks, that I am in their best thoughts... Very nice and very encouraging. They have the opposite effect though and I am starting to find these statements hurting. I am tired of hearing always the same. If I was so clever and so good I wouldn't be in this situation. Every word weights on my shoulders and sinks me into the mud a bit more. I feel I am failing to myself and disappointing them in some way. This is making me isolate sometimes from friends because I know the whole conversation is going to be about my no-job situation and it will end with the same words. I don't want to isolate from my friends, that's horrible.

Oh well, I keep in some way in good spirit after all. Honestly, I do! Don't ask me why or how, but I do. If this situation had come in January or February when I was so down, I would have ended up hanging from a tree or something like that. Probably a bridge if it was in Manchester, haha. I look around, I read the news and I see that there are people in much worse situation than me on this planet. I am young, free and healthy; I am where I want, I do what I want with my life; I can leave or I can stay and I don't regret anything I have done so far. That's something not many people can say and I consider myself lucky and happy.