Glücklich in Berlin (Happy in Berlin)

Hallo, wie schön Dich hier zu sehen, es scheint Dir gut zu gehen / Hello, nice to see you, it looks like you're doing well
Ich glaube, Du bist glücklich in Berlin / I think that you are happy in Berlin
Dein großer Traum, seit vielen Jahren scheint endlich wahr zu sein / Your big dream since so long has come true
Ein Teil von mir wünscht Dir dafür viel Glück / Part of me wishes you good luck
Und ein Teil von mir wünscht Dich hier her zurück / And part wishes you were back 

Ja, es ist schön, wenn Du mir schreibst, wen Du so triffst und was Du treibst / Yes, it's nice when you write me about what you do and who you meet 
In dieser Stadt kennst Du Dich aus / You know your whereabouts in that city
Ich mein' wer sehnt sich da nach Hause? / I mean, who's homesick being there? 
Ein Teil von mir freut sich sehr für Dich / Part of me is happy for you
Und ein Teil denkt: Berlin wär' nichts für mich / And part of me thinks that wouldn't be my thing 

Zu groß, zu klein, zu nah, zu weit / Too big, too small, too close, too far
Das eine geht, das andere bleibt / Some go, others stay  
Dass ich Dich beneide wär' doch irgendwie gelogen / It would be a lie to say that I envy you
doch es ist toll, Du hast das große Los gezogen / But it is cool, you have hit the jackpot

Du sagst, Du bist jetzt mittendrin denn alles andre macht kein Sinn / You say you are at your best and the rest doesn't matter
Weil hier die weite Welt beginnt und so das wahre Leben klingt / Because the world starts here and that's how real life sounds  
Ein Teil von mir fragt sich wofür die ganze Suche ist / Part of me wonders what for all this big search is
Und ein Teil hofft, dass Du zufrieden bist / And part of me hopes that you are satisfied 

Zu groß, zu klein, zu nah, zu weit / Too big, too small, too close, too far
Das eine geht, das andere bleibt / Some go, others stay 
Dass ich Dich beneide wär' doch irgendwie gelogen / It would be a lie to say that I envy you
doch es ist toll, Du hast das große Los gezogen / But it is cool, you have hit the jackpot

Zu groß, zu klein, zu nah, zu weit / Too big, too small, too close, too far
Das eine geht, das andere bleibt / Some go, others stay 
Ein Teil von mir wünscht Dir viel Glück / Part of me wishes you good luck
Ein Teil von mir wünscht Dich zurück / And part of me wishes you back
Dich zu beneide wär' doch irgendwie gelogen / It would be a lie to say that I envy you
doch es ist toll, Du hast das große Los gezogen / But it is cool, you have hit the jackpot

Glücklich in Berlin
Anna Depenbusch

An acquainted sent me this song short after I settled down in Berlin. I have listened to it often and I have even had this very same "conversation" with myself quite a few times. I have talked to me and I have answered me these words, picturing myself on both sides: the one who feels it is his place and the one who is not sure if that would be the best for him.

It wasn't easy neither to start nor to go on. I mean mentally. The rest went all smooth. The feeling that it was being too hard to learn the language tormented me the first months, as well as the spells of discouragement, the amount of time that I was alone, the unpleasant winter and the never-ending concern about my financial situation. That led to the lack of will to visit new places and see new things, to the lack of happiness and to a bad despondency. Few things would make me smile and even less laugh. Some friends asked me if I made the wrong decision by coming, if the Berliner experience was failing...But the answer in the end was always no. Berlin has been very good to me and has offered everything it has, which is a lot. The problem was not the city, but my blues and me. It would have happened the same if I had gone somewhere else or stayed in Frankfurt. I just feel unable to have fun if I've got so important things to think about like my near future. The instability doesn't do me any good definitely and uncertainty kills me slow by slow. It happened something similar in Manchester, altough it was summer there, I spent a shorter time and my spirits were ok.

Things are better since I have reached a certain level of German, I have met new people, I have met more often my friends here, the weather is better and bike tours around in the city are lovely, I've been out, I've seen more new places and, above all, since I suddenly set as a goal to study in Cologne. There was already a motivation and a reason to keep going. The news on the admission confirmed this mood recovery, then count the months, do the math, think about dates to prepare and do the exams at the school of languages, put my hopes on the next step and do the most of the remaining time in this city. I feel wonderful since June and I missed this being happy as a general state of mind.

Despite the fun I am having these last months and specially weeks, I will part with the pain of not having made the most of this stay. Oh well, I've done what I could and the experience will have been, like always, positive. I would not swap this year for something else but I owe one to Berlin and the great summer I am having is not enough. Maybe in the future I find an opportunity to live here in other circumstances and without blues. Anyway, I am also happy about not having squeezed all the juice here, so I will have reasons to come back. Well, the "sabbatical year" experience in Berlin is already in its countdown and there are less than 3 weeks left. Later awaits the challenge of Cologne; new bright lights to head to. Again my wings are stronger than my roots and this makes the eighth city where I will live. But I leave behind the most special of all of them, my großer Traum, seit vielen Jahren.